10 Rules for Visiting a Newborn

We get it. Newborns are fantastic creatures. They’re sweet, snuggly, and they smell brand new. They don’t talk back, and they have the cutest facial expressions. It is completely understandable that you want to have all the baby snuggles you can when a family member or friend has a tiny human. Sorry to burst your bubble – buuuut, when a close person has a new baby, it’s not about you. Sure, have all the baby snuggles you want (with permission) …but, make sure to follow these 10 rules:

Confirm your visiting time works well for the new parents.

Working a new baby into your schedule and figuring out what that looks like can be super stressful. Assuming that a specific time works for new parents is the worst thing you can do. Planning in advance to come and asking them for a window of time is helpful. Confirming the day of to make sure nothing has changed and that it is still a convenient time shows you are being considerate!

Always wash your hands and use hand sanitizer before holding or touching the tiny human.

Although tiny humans are resilient, I feel that this goes without saying. They are TINY and their immune systems are fragile. Imagine being thrown from womb to world, and having to figure out how to breathe, poop, cry, AND fight off germs!

No Kissing!

Kissing a baby that isn’t yours is just plain strange in the first place, but Respiratory Syncytial Virus Infection (RSV) is nothing to play with. You don’t want to be responsible for this.

Ask for permission before taking pictures…and don’t use flash…and don’t post them on social media…

You never know what a parents’ intentions are for showing off their baby to the world. Please ask permission before taking photos, and again before posting them to social media. When taking pictures of newborns, don’t use flash…they don’t like the paparazzi.

Don’t bring your little kids.

Your 3-year-old is well behaved, you say? I believe you. Your 3-year-old is probably also a REALLY cute, snuggly, and sweet germ carrying human being. As awesome as they likely are, leave them at home.

Be a helper, not a visitor.

Ask new parents if they’ve eaten, showered, or slept today. The last thing they need to do is entertain. If you can make them or bring them food, that’s great. If you can hold their baby while they grab a shower, that’s even better. If you see the trash is overflowing, take it out. If you see the sink is overflowing, do the dishes. If they have dogs, take them out. Don’t ask them if there is anything you can do for them…just do it.

Keep your advice to yourself.

Most times, advice is unsolicited, and no two babies are the same. What worked for your kids might not work for theirs. Unless someone specifically asks you for advice, keep it to yourself. Part of active listening is validating a new parents emotions and experiences. Often times, they don’t want advice – they just want to feel heard and understood.

Respect new parents’ wishes and parenting styles.

They may be co-sleeping, or they may have put their baby in their own crib at 2 weeks old. They may be exclusively breastfeeding, or they may be exclusively formula feeding. They may swaddle, or they may not swaddle. Not your baby, not your business. Respect the parenting choices this new family has made.

Don’t forget about partners.

Most times people forget about both parents to focus on the baby. When people do focus on a parent; it is usually the birthing parent they focus on supporting. They are absolutely important, but so are non-birthing parents. Acknowledge them, they may feel left out.

Don’t overstay your welcome.

Don’t expect to hang out for hours. Unless you’re helping around the house, or they’ve asked you to stay for longer – limit your visit to 45 minutes max. While they may be too polite to ask to you to leave, it is your responsibility to watch for signs of them getting tired, disengaging from conversation, or needing to eat. If the baby is sleeping, that’s a good time for them to sleep too! As a postpartum doula, I tell new families to plan their lives in 3 hour increments, so you can guarantee they didn’t plan for you to stay for longer than that! ;)

Following these 10 simple rules will almost always guarantee you an invitation back for more baby snuggles!